Crossing the Incontinental Divide

By Kate Kew

She tilted forward to the point where she was practically against my ear and hoarsely whispered, "For years I thought I was the only one with this problem! Now I hear about it everywhere." This rangy woman with springy red hair was, to my surprise, suddenly the most animated I'd seen her all afternoon. I had just mentioned that I was doing some contract work for an adult diaper vendor and she immediately ran with the subject. She had a strange mixture of relief and reluctance written on her face.

We were sitting in some worn cafeteria chairs at a high school reunion neither of us thought we would manage to make. But here I was, seated beside my dear high school confidante, Sherry B. Why I had never made the effort to get in touch with her during the lapsed decades was beyond me. She was such a vibrant soul, despite the physical changes that were impossible to ignore. So many youthful friendships are dropped at the end of high school when everyone goes off in different directions, there was nothing unusual about this case either. But perhaps back when I was about 20 and my mother mentioned that Sherry had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I just didn't know what to do with the news and wouldn't touch the distance between us. But here was Sherry with canes clipped to her arms and sporting the same old broad grin as ever.

It was as though certain aspects of time had stood still and we related to each other as easily as ever. We did the customary flip through each other's family albums and gave a quick bio for each of our children. Then she asked me what I was doing now that the kids had pretty much flown the coop. That is how the subject of adult diapers worked into the conversation and she certainly sparked to it. It seemed like the practical aspects of managing incontinence was pretty much old hat to her by now, but there still was a deep need to talk about it with an old high school confidante, one who found the subject to be in her comfort zone.

"I can't tell you what I went through up here," she tapped her forehead with an angular finger, "when I first realized that peeing my pants was something I was simply going to have to live with. To lose control over something most babies master by the age of two and a half is downright frightening, not to mention humiliating." She looked me square in the eye and said with a laugh, "I had to learn to let go of letting go and get on with the rest of my life. Thank goodness for the internet. Buying feminine products at the drugstore was one thing, buying adult diapers is another."

"Flip on the TV now, pick up a magazine, and it seems the whole world is suddenly talking about adult diapers, pull-ups and pads. Now you, my old buddy, tell me that you make a living in the business. What's happening?" she asked.

At that moment, my admiration for my dear long-neglected friend almost pushed me to tears. While listening to her talk, I had been imagining what it could possibly have been like for her, raising those three smiling, rowdy boys to young manhood as her photo album testified, never knowing next what wrench her MS would toss into the works. How dull and uncomplicated my life must have seemed to her in comparison. Instead she waited, genuinely wanting me to answer her question. So I indulged her with my usual professional breeze of statistics about the graying of America and the rising demand for adult diapers.

It is estimated that the first half of this century will see a 147% increase of senior citizens, people ages 65 and up. With their projected increase of life span, this means that a lot more Americans than ever before have already started to size up adult diapers. Incontinence is not an uncommon factor in aging and a social leveler, not choosy in its victims. I told Sherry that her positive attitude about the subject was something more people should profit from, that she should be an inspiration to people struggling with adapting to this new physical circumstance. Her insights and wisdom should be blogged and podcasted. I caught myself on this roll, realizing I hadn't really left my work at the office this weekend.

It was a good thing I stopped my selfish spiel when I did. Sherry was slumping slightly in her chair, like a wilting chrysanthemum. I realized how silly my little speech must have sounded to her, this woman who had just flown across the country, enduring the humiliation of airports while teetering between canes and wheelchairs and coping with incontinence. She was simply here to lay eyes on some familiar faces from long ago, from a time when she had far less cares. She was not looking for the PR assignment I had tried to hand her. A listening ear and a little help to the ladies room was what she needed right at the moment. She maneuvered into her wheel chair and asked me for some push power. "Just wheel it to the door and dump the cripple in," she instructed. I stopped dead in my tracks, wondering if I had heard correctly. Then I saw her teasing grin. Attitude is indeed everything and Sherry's spunk rules.

About the Author:

Kate Kew has been caring for seniors for most of her adult life. Currently she is the Communications Director for dot com retailer specializing in Adult Diapers at greatly discounted prices. Over the next few years, Kate will be building an online resource library to inform and support those who are overwhelmed by incontinence. Kate welcomes all readers to visit and add to this knowledgebase: Adult Diapers Now.